*** The Beauteous Bride King Philip exclaimed "You shall marry my Isabella, She’s a high-born lady and as such, deserves a fella Of royal birth and blood, and one who can see And appreciate the awesome beauty she got from me." Edward was looking forward to meeting his bride, But when he first saw her he wanted to run and hide; The desirable young woman to expect he had been led Had buck teeth and bad skin, and was very overfed. "What’s this!" he yelled. "The 'loveliest woman in France' Is an unattractive gargoyle I wouldn't take to a barn dance!" "Fooled you," chuckled Philip, "and don’t bother to cry Over the chroniclers' false descriptions; I pay them to lie."
*** Death of a King Near Carlisle in July, Longshanks was dying at last Which to his subjects, especially in Wales, couldn't come fast Enough. The king raised himself painfully and to his advisers said "Tell my son these things from me, as soon as I shall be dead. He must not recall Gaveston, that cheeky Gascon swine, Their lovey-dovey behaviour is well out of line. He shall not bury me, but my bones shall boil And take them at the head of his army to aid their toil. Scotland he must conquer, and that traitor Robert Bruce Must find himself hanging at the end of a noose." With that, the old king sighed and gave up the ghost. No longer would he of his uncommon height boast. His son the new King Edward was decidedly glad That he no longer had to listen to the orders of his dad. He recalled his Piers, of whom we have already spoken, And his father's command re: Scotland was also broken.
Because, truth be told, Edward couldn't care less
About anything but Piers; and thus his reign was a mess.